I went to the International House of Prayer tonight and then met some friends for coffee. I enjoyed myself. I spent a good bit of time praying….and listening….worshiping and listening.
On another note:
About a year ago I begged God to counsel me. (I would have gone to a professional, but it is much too expensive). He did just that. Before I knew it, things that I surpressed as a child began to re-surface….fears that I once had began to arise again. Old scars were opened and purged. It was a horrible, but amazing time in my life.
Tonight I was having a heart to heart with myself in my beloved car (my most favorite place to think) and I realized that I have never allowed God to fully “heal” me. I’ve always been pretty good at hiding my emotions….hiding my fear…and my hurt but I can’t do it any more. I need the Lord to heal my heart. I need restoration. I don’t need to live my life making decisions based on my past. I feel trapped. I long for freedom.
I’m sick of fearing rejection. So what that my dad rejected me!?! Why does that have to control my relationships with others….with strangers even. It’s so irritating. It leaves me feeling so defeated. I am SO thankful that the Lord has brought me back into singleness. I need to be a whole person….a complete person….a satisfied person before I commit to a relationship again. I can’t give my heart away if it’s in a million tiny pieces.
Millions of thoughts are running through my mind. Congrats, you just experienced a few.