God is…

Last night….I had a very eye opening conversation with my roommate.  I sat down, her eyes looked a bit nervous, and she paused before she spoke.  I wasn’t sure WHAT to expect.  “So, I am moving downtown with a friend in October…it’s only a 2 bedroom”.  My heart dropped.  Although it sounds completely melodramatic, at that moment I felt completely betrayed and alone.  For a second I basked in the thought of having no where to go….no one to live with.  I didn’t really respond.  I sat quietly for 15 minutes before retiring to my bedroom.  I grabbed my journal and bible and knew the only way I could see the next step for me…was to spend time with the Lord.  I started writing out a prayer….a cry for God’s clarity…but it was interrupted by a flood gate of tears.  It hit me.  I have longed for changed, begged God for something knew.  I hadn’t realized it before, but I have been complacent.  Something that started off as SUCH a good idea had become idol.  When we moved into our house…we decided we wanted an open door policy…whoever needed anything, we were there.  It started off really great, but we slowly slipped into “life”.  Suddenly this girl who was passionately seeking God found a good time in having people over and drinking every weekend.  This is NOT who I am.  In the last 2 years I have lost sight of what God has called me to be.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t partying it up with my roommates, but I also wasn’t fulfilling the ultimate desire that God put in me to begin with (to offer a place of refuge…a place where people could come and be with the Lord).  I didn’t protect my household.  I left the door open for inappropriate things to happen and in doing that lost sight of who I was doing it for.

All of that confession being said, it IS time for a change…I have NO choice and I am anxious and excited.  What does this mean for me?  Does it mean I finally have the “go ahead” to move to a far away place…or do I move 1 mile away.  I would SO much appreciate your prayers.


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